you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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