I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
