Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
