now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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