i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
