i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
