My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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