I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
