the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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