I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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