there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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