next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
