K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
