Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
