I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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