Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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