I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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