My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
