I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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