And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
this will be a night to untag.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All the doctor said was why
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
