I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
