Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
