Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
