Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
