New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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