I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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