Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
