her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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