I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
