too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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