woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize