Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
