Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
