I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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