I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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