I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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