Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
