thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
