Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize