Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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