No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
