I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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