THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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