So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
