Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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