This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
