you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
