he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
