mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
