i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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