he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
