I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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