I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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