Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
