My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
