The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize