why didn't you poke me back
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
