Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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