the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And then my night got REAL pukey
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
