I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am available for nakedness
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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