hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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