last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
