I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
